I've had sooooooo many excuses over the years, and I've slowly broken them down, but today, my fantasy excuse world came crashing down. I've always told myself that yes, I was overweight, but at least I wasn't so-and-so, but my biggest excuse was "at least I've never hit 400". Guess what? I got on the scale today, 399.4. Ok, I tell myself, not technically 400, and then, after smacking myself reality sets in. That's before eating or drinking, as soon as you put something in your stomach you'll be at 400.
I thought...I'm gonna change, I'm gonna do this!!!! But I've already lost my gumption and have now returned to that hopeless feeling. Mom and I are making lunch, and then we are going for a walk. Small, simple changes...start small. Oh, to be an alcoholic! At least there are treatment centers for that, and you can give up drugs and alcohol cold turkey. If only I could completely give up food!
There are so many different things going through me right now: determination, I'm really gonna do it!, failure, hopelessness, defeat, anger!, worthlessness...I can't do this alone! Must find support! I can be the strong one all the time, and mom is not able to pick up the slack when I drop off, because she's in the same boat (facing a serious sugar addiction).
I've been reading Suzy Welch's book 10-10-10: A Life-Transforming Idea
, and what a great concept. stopping and making decisions, no matter how big or small, after considering there impact 10 minutes from now, 10 months from now, and 10 years from now. I was just reading today about values, so it seems to me, that I need to spend some time today, after my walk, sitting down and discovering my values.What do I want from life?
