Been awhile.

I'm still here!  I'm still going!  Tomorrow makes my 23rd weigh in since beginning to see the Dietitian and Nurse Educator.  I have had lots of ups and downs, including reoccurring illness from the end of January until mid April, but through it all I have continued to lose weight!  As of last week I was down 33 pounds.  This weekend was pretty bad.  I pretty much let go of all control.  Actually, I did pretty darn good at my cousin's wedding on Saturday, but yesterday, I just wanted to eat eat eat!  I felt so full when I went to bed!  What's done is done, moving on!

377, I haven't been that low for about two years.  Subconsciously, I think I began to sabotage myself because it really started to sink in that I have made a lot of progress, and because that number sticks out to me as being the lowest I can remember in the recent past.  It's like 377 is an invisible threshold, and my sub-conscience is afraid to cross it.  I am tempted to stand there at the open door and watch all my progress slip away on the wild waves of "I told you that you would fail" and "you're not good enough", but I am NOT going to do that.  I'm going to pick up the pieces and start in again!

It's amazing how natural it is to just sit there and mindlessly eat.  Haven't grown out of that yet.  The important thing is that I not only recognize the symptoms, but that I now have the will to stop the destructive behavior.  It's a long process, a journey on a seemingly endless road, but somewhere out there, there is a place, a beautiful place where there lives a happy, healthy (body, mind and soul) me!

KEEP GOING!

Good Progress!!

Seven weeks into the weight management program and I am, as of this morning, officially 20 pounds lighter!! I can tell a difference in my face and the way y clothes are fitting. Yesterday I put on a top which I hadn't worn for a long time, and I didn't have to stretch it out, it was a little loose! Wooohoooo! I think I'm finally making lifestyle changes. I'm not getting down on myself when I don't do as well as I'd like, I just learn what I can from each experience! Has Chinese last week, and it was more calories than I would have wanted, but I was conscious of my decisions, of what I was putting into my body, and I did soooo much better than I would have 3 months ago! Feeling good!

New Year, New Me!

This is it! It's time to start living! I spent my twenties hiding myself and holding myself back. No more. I'm looking at this year, 2011, my thirtieth year, as the year that I really start living. This is the beginning of the me I want to be: healthy and happy!

I had always admired James MacArthur since seeing Swiss Family Robinson as a little girl, but this year I found his official fan web-site and I began to read interviews and look at pictures. The more I dug, the more I found out what an admirable man he was. Always smiling, it seemed that the man truly loved life. Yes, bad things happen, but he always looked for the positive. He is my role model. Look for happiness. Choose joy! Sadly he passed away a few months back, but through his life, and death, I have learned a great lesson. I have learned that I want to be happy, and that I can be, if I let myself. I have learned to be positive, and look for the positive in every situation. I have learned that there is more to life than what I've been living.

I was very sad when I heard that Mr. MacArthur had passed away; a person not very old and in seemingly good health, but then it occurred to me, he had lived life to the fullest, so maybe that was it, he was just full. He could hold no more, and so he left this world. That's when I decided. When I die, I want my obituary to say that it was because I ran out of room for happy memories!

Mahalo Danno!

"It's said a hundred different ways, in sadness and in joy, aloha means I love you, so I say aloha oe."