Ruby

This weekend I got out of town and stayed with some family.  They have cable so many new channels were available to me.  Flipping channels, I happened across Ruby.  I'd heard about Ruby, but never seen the show, and it was very interesting, and very familiar.  I think it's great, not only for her and the others on the show to get help and get some things worked out.  That's what I need!  I need counseling, and a support network.  I just don't have anyone to turn to, upon whom I can rely.  I'm interested to see more of the show and possibly read her book Ruby's Diary: Reflections on All I've Lost and Gained.

I have a "friend" who has all of the sudden not been very nice to me.  He's been like my little brother, and all of the sudden has gotten an attitude, and it's caused me to look back and think.  I am a person who needs to be needed, a lot, I think, like my grandmother.  I serve people.  I do, do, do.  My mother used to tell me that to have a friend you have to be a friend, but I kinda took it to the extreme.  I invest to much time and energy into people who don't deserve it.  I'm, as my mother put it, "too available".  I need to learn to find a balance between doing things for people and trying to do things withe people and just plain bombarding them with my presence.  I need to find a way to put some mystery into my relationships.  I tell myself that if I don't keep inviting people out that I'd never get to do anything, which may be true, but until I find friends who are as interested in me as I am in them, I need to find some other ways to invest my time and energy, such as into making my life better and more organized.

Looking back, it occurred to me...I don't know how to have a healthy relationship!  I've never had one!  Well, maybe one or two not too bad ones, but none really healthy.  Not a single one of the guys in my life have been good to me.  Ok, I've never had a boyfriend, but neither those guys who I've been "friends" with, or had romantic interests in have been good or even really nice to me!  I need to find people who are worthy of me, rather than people who treat me like dirt!

Step 1.  Find counseling.
Step 2.  Stop investing so much time and energy into people who don't really care about me!
Step 3.  Work on figuring out who I am, and who I want to be!

http://www.mystyle.com/mystyle/shows/ruby/index.jsp