2017

Welcome 2017!

Well, the last couple years have been pretty rough, and without going into details, I'll just say that I find my health in a not so great place. Last spring I found out that my thyroid had become under active so I had to start taking Synthroid  for that. That has also made it really hard for me to lose weight.

So, January 1, I find myself the heaviest I have ever been, with my blood sugar in not great control, partially because I lost my insurance and can't afford some of my medications. I've gotten fed up with myself and my health and have been doing a lot of research. I have discovered the diet that I think will be the best for me, and will allow me to help my various health conditions (PCOS, Psoriasis, Insulin Resistance, Sleep Apnea)

So, today I embarking on a major lifestyle change. I have decided to follow the Keto diet. This will allow me to quickly start losing weight, get my blood sugar in control, which will help balance my hormones and losing weight will help the apnea.

I hope that by sharing my journey I can encourage you and that you can learn from my failures and successes.

So here is where I am starting:

Day 1, 426 lbs

My goal for day one was to simply track everything I ate and try to keep within my WW points. I've done really well with that. My goal for the next two weeks is to step down the number of carbs I am eating. Starting week 3 I will be following the keto diet strictly. I'm hoping that within about 6 months I can start backing off on my meds.

Here we go!

Let's try this again...

I started this blog a few years ago when I was trying to do something about my weight. That didn't pan out, so here we go again.

Over the past couple years I have gone up and down the same thirty or so pounds. At my heaviest i got to 412. I found this humiliating. I have continued going to the dietitian and for the past two years I've been seeing a great counselor. I made some good progress both physically and emotionally, but I seem to be stuck again.

In February 2013 I joined Weight Watchers online and did really well. I lost fifty pounds by October, but my boss unexpectedly quit right as I was starting grad school and my life became about survival. I still did pretty well, but by December, the lack of a boss, the pressures of grad school and a toxic friendship just plainly exhausted me. Since December I just haven't been able to get back on the bandwagon.

Lately, I've been watching episodes of Supersize vs. Superskinny on YouTube and I realized that yet again I started well and then just kind of stopped. Yes, there were good reasons, but life is never going to the ideal circumstances and I need to learn to put on my battle gear because I NEED TO DO THIS!!!

Over the past couple years I have really grown upset with the media and with the food industry. I have started to try and eat as clean as I can because I am convinced that the food manufacturers are trying to, and successfully so, addict us to their food. There is so much sugar, and salt, added to processed food and our brains react the same way when we eat sugar as when using cocaine. (Article in Forbes) I am also really against GMO. I think that genetically modifying our food is a dangerous idea.

Another disturbing trend is how many antibiotics we pump into livestock like chicken and beef. There are so many girls who are now developing early and their bodies are full of hormones from the food they eat--it's not healthy.

As for the media, we have such a skewed body image as a nation and a sick concept of beauty. Magazines and advertising agencies Photoshop pictures to where they are unrealistic and we now think that we have to be stick thin and have flawless skin. No one looks like that! It is my dream that through this blog and through a couple other ideas I have, to do my part to get us back to a healthy view of beauty.

So, my intentions for this blog are to share my experiences in the hope of encouraging others with the same or similar issues, and to have an outlet as I try to overcome my food addiction and improve my self image. I am going to be very open and honest here, and I hope that others will only make supportive comments. If you are struggling with similar issues, please feel free to message me.

So, here I am--365 pounds. I have given myself a deadline: if I don't make significant progress by the end of the year, then I am going to see about surgery. I do not want to do surgery, but I have to get the weight off.

Ok, starting today, things are gonna be different!

Been awhile.

I'm still here!  I'm still going!  Tomorrow makes my 23rd weigh in since beginning to see the Dietitian and Nurse Educator.  I have had lots of ups and downs, including reoccurring illness from the end of January until mid April, but through it all I have continued to lose weight!  As of last week I was down 33 pounds.  This weekend was pretty bad.  I pretty much let go of all control.  Actually, I did pretty darn good at my cousin's wedding on Saturday, but yesterday, I just wanted to eat eat eat!  I felt so full when I went to bed!  What's done is done, moving on!

377, I haven't been that low for about two years.  Subconsciously, I think I began to sabotage myself because it really started to sink in that I have made a lot of progress, and because that number sticks out to me as being the lowest I can remember in the recent past.  It's like 377 is an invisible threshold, and my sub-conscience is afraid to cross it.  I am tempted to stand there at the open door and watch all my progress slip away on the wild waves of "I told you that you would fail" and "you're not good enough", but I am NOT going to do that.  I'm going to pick up the pieces and start in again!

It's amazing how natural it is to just sit there and mindlessly eat.  Haven't grown out of that yet.  The important thing is that I not only recognize the symptoms, but that I now have the will to stop the destructive behavior.  It's a long process, a journey on a seemingly endless road, but somewhere out there, there is a place, a beautiful place where there lives a happy, healthy (body, mind and soul) me!

KEEP GOING!

Good Progress!!

Seven weeks into the weight management program and I am, as of this morning, officially 20 pounds lighter!! I can tell a difference in my face and the way y clothes are fitting. Yesterday I put on a top which I hadn't worn for a long time, and I didn't have to stretch it out, it was a little loose! Wooohoooo! I think I'm finally making lifestyle changes. I'm not getting down on myself when I don't do as well as I'd like, I just learn what I can from each experience! Has Chinese last week, and it was more calories than I would have wanted, but I was conscious of my decisions, of what I was putting into my body, and I did soooo much better than I would have 3 months ago! Feeling good!

New Year, New Me!

This is it! It's time to start living! I spent my twenties hiding myself and holding myself back. No more. I'm looking at this year, 2011, my thirtieth year, as the year that I really start living. This is the beginning of the me I want to be: healthy and happy!

I had always admired James MacArthur since seeing Swiss Family Robinson as a little girl, but this year I found his official fan web-site and I began to read interviews and look at pictures. The more I dug, the more I found out what an admirable man he was. Always smiling, it seemed that the man truly loved life. Yes, bad things happen, but he always looked for the positive. He is my role model. Look for happiness. Choose joy! Sadly he passed away a few months back, but through his life, and death, I have learned a great lesson. I have learned that I want to be happy, and that I can be, if I let myself. I have learned to be positive, and look for the positive in every situation. I have learned that there is more to life than what I've been living.

I was very sad when I heard that Mr. MacArthur had passed away; a person not very old and in seemingly good health, but then it occurred to me, he had lived life to the fullest, so maybe that was it, he was just full. He could hold no more, and so he left this world. That's when I decided. When I die, I want my obituary to say that it was because I ran out of room for happy memories!

Mahalo Danno!

"It's said a hundred different ways, in sadness and in joy, aloha means I love you, so I say aloha oe."

Am I crazy?

It's a good question to ask. Starting a food modification plan of 1200-1400 calories just before Christmas seems crazy! I've been at this for four days. The first two were really hard. Yesterday and today, not as hard. I've already seen pretty good results, 7 pounds lost. I look forward and I see Christmas dinner with my parents and brother. I can handle that, just a small dinner at home. Then, New Year. We are going to my uncle's house, so it will be a little more difficult, but I'm ready. I figure if nothing else, I will eat fruit instead of snacks. I may go over my serving of fruit for the day, but I won't eat potato chips and candy. Well, that's the plan. (I am still a little hungry...)

Here we go again!

So, about a year ago, I suddenly gained about 10 pounds, dashing my last little "excuse" (but at least I've never hit 400). This last year, especially summer, has been really stressful. Stressful work, freaking out about turning 30 next summer...and so on. I knew my blood sugar was high, so when we had a free wellness screening at work, I signed up. The next day my doctor's office called. "We need to see you right away, you're diabetic." Nothing new to me. Back in college they put me on Metformin, even Byetta when it very first came out. I gave it a half-hearted attempt for a few years, then I went to Russia to study for 10 months. I lost 70 lbs, and didn't need medicine. Of course being back home, I gained some back, then more, and finally 400. So yesterday I go to see the Diabetes Educator. I liked her a lot. We talked easily, and she was not patronizing. Then I talked to the dietician. I'd been there once before; I knew what was coming. She said you can this many milk choices, this many starches, this much fruit, and so on, to equal 1200-1400 calories a day. So, half grudgingly, and half trying to be positive, I planned out what I would eat today. I've stuck to it, but I'm hungry. This is somewhere between a 600-1500 calorie deficit. It's way less protein than I normally eat, and more carbs than I'm used to (proportionally). I entered everything on SparkPeople and got 1180 calories, but according to what I should eat, I only have .5 tbsp of "fat" left to eat today.

OK. This will be an adjustment. This will be hard. Hopefully now I will find the support I need to succeed. And I hope mom will follow along. I CAN'T go into my 30's like this!

Here we go...again.